January 1, 2019 – a new year and a fresh new start, right? Except January 1, 2019, was 365 days ago, the day I resolved to start this blog. I hoped to introduce transparency into my life, share in more vulnerable ways, I wanted to learn to be unapologetically me, and foster genuine connections. Yet, I didn’t write a single post. Last night as the country watched a nearly 12,000 pound Waterford Crystal ball drop 77 feet, I sat alone on my couch yearning for the same things I had a full year before – authenticity and connection. This year, I will learn to be unapologetically me.
The past few years have been my own personal roller coaster. I’ve had some of the happiest and some of my lowest moments in life. She says without dramatic flair but in hesitant reflection. It’s led me to redefine my goals. In fact, I’m still very much evaluating, defining, and redefining those goals daily. I know I want to live the most authentic version of myself and find sincere connections with the people around me. Trouble is I’ve spent a lifetime (or 30+ years) attempting to live up to other peoples’ expectations of me. I’ve molded myself into whatever version of me I thought would best exceed their expectations. I’m still rediscovering which parts of me belong to me and which parts really belong to someone else’s version of me.
2019 was by far the most challenging year of my life. To get off the roller coaster, I have to do something different this year. To start, I’m going to publish this post – before the blog is perfectly formatted or branded. I’ve broken every rule of the “how to start a blog” sites I’ve read over the last year. I don’t have a color scheme or a social strategy. I’m not even sure I really want to “share” this yet; however, if my goal for 2020 is to live as UNAPOLOGETICALLY ME as possible, I have to hit publish.
While living unapologetically me may seem easy to some, removing the veil of perfection and offering myself the same grace I extend others will be a monumental feat. It also happens to be the most common topic between my therapist and me. So with grit, while learning grace….here goes nothing.
With Love,
G
